Filled with sadness ... a visit to Zhengzhou Children's Welfare Institute

Harmony spent much of her first years in foster care, but was transferred to the Zhengzhou Children's Welfare Institute (ZZ CWI) in mid-December 2012.  So she spent 4 months at ZZ CWI.  Since she spent so little time there, we considered skipping the orphanage visit.  There was also the worry that she'd want to stay there, with the comfort of her nannies and friends that she knew for the last 4 months versus these strangers who she'd only known for a few days.  In the end we decided to go as I wanted to ask if there was any possibility that they had the note her parents left with her.

It is a big facility, housing 700-800 kids, and is under expansion.  ZZ CWI has several foreign charities helping with the children's care.  The kids lucky enough to be in these NGO-run rooms have extra nannies, an opportunity to attend preschool, etc.  Harmony was in CCAI's Lily Orphan Care Center (LOCC) area, so she had the benefit of extra nannies, better nutrition, etc.

She was a little bit agitated when we arrived.  I thought it was the hot, exhaust filled, ventilation-free hour long ride in the back row of a van (I was feeling a little bit agitated myself ;), but no - our CCAI guide talked with Harmony and said that she was worried we were bringing her back to leave her.  She relaxed a little bit once our guide explained that we were just here to say a final goodbye to her friends.  Even so - she insisted on being carried the entire time - she was not taking any chances!

So many kids greeted her - it was heartwarming and heartbreaking to see all these kids waiting for families.  We were approached by some older kids - I'd say maybe 9 or 10 years old - who wanted to talk with us.  They knew who Harmony was and wanted to say hello and ask questions about Medora and Lian.  My tiny amount of Mandarin is so woefully inadequate - I wish I could have had a more meaningful conversation.

We saw the sleeping area and saw her crib, which is a very nice room, light and bright and clean.  The preschool area was bustling with kids and so busy!  She told the kids about her mama, baba, and 2 big sisters.  As we left the preschool area, the kids spontaneously all shouted "Bye bye Xing Yi".  It was so sweet.

The nannies asked her if she wanted to give them a hug.  "No" she replied and clutched me tighter.  They nannies asked if she wanted to come back to the orphanage.  "No" she replied "I want to go to America with my mama and baba".  As we were leaving the room, one nanny playfully grabbed her arm as if to pull her off me.  Harmony grew claws of steel around me and screamed "Boo Yao!  Boo Yao!" (Not Want!  Not Want!)

I'm honestly just floored that in just 2 1/2 days she has so firmly decided that she never wants to go back there.  I expected some tears about a nanny she missed, or showing some signs of fondness.  Not an iota.  In just 2 1/2 days, she's decided that whatever we can offer is way better than the place where she spent the last 4 months - and what have we offered?  It hasn't been super scintillating (mostly just two days full of boring paperwork and long bus rides) - but she does have interaction and attention of all 4 of us.  What an amazing and awful thing for such a young child to process.

The words are escaping me tonight - but it was so deeply meaningful to see how Harmony has cast her lot with us.  And my heart aches for all the kids still waiting.

Pictures to follow!