Foods I Really Did Try In China, Exhibit E: Chinese Stout

I'm not going to mince any words here. This is the worst beer ever made.

As the label at the bottom of the cap says, it's 100% crap. (You'll just have to trust me, since I'm now fluent in all 2000 characters of Chinese.)

Really, what could I have expected, though? The Chinese are not known for beer, and asking them to create a good stout is a lot to ask. But this is what it tasted like: A slightly sweetened Coors with oodles of caramel color added to make it a Man's Beer.

Unlike a good stout, which is supposed to be a meal in a can, and grow hair on your chest, this one forced me to want to scrub my tongue with a raw head of garlic to remove the flavor.

Do I have any perspective? Could I just be a snob about beer and, in particular, stout beers? Well, let me tell you. Just before sampling this waste of water, I had also sampled Lychee "Beer", Pineapple "Beer Drink", and something simply labeled "Korean Beer." My taste buds had been beaten into submission, reduced to my most basic components. Not unlike a grunt at boot camp, worn down, exhausted, I was ready to accept the next thing handed to me as salvation, gospel. But, in that instant, my commanding officer said "you will now worship Dog Poop." I was repulsed.

Regardless, I travel via the foods I come across, so I'm glad I tried it. Also, I believe you can only understand how good something is until you've had the worst, and only understand how bad something is until you've had the best. Limits, I guess. So, next time you're in China (and I can't encourage you enough to visit) pick up a can of this swill. It'll set ya back about 30 cents. You'll appreciate your next Guinness just that much more.